


Naruto, but rootin tootin

by b33pb33plettuc3



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, F/F, F/M, M/M, Wild West AU
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-13
Updated: 2019-06-13
Packaged: 2020-05-02 11:29:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,131
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19197862
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/b33pb33plettuc3/pseuds/b33pb33plettuc3
Summary: The endearing ruffian cowpoke Naruto with that stuffy, well-to-do city boy Sasuke? Apparently. Well, they do say opposites attract.Yet as a surprising new companionships forms, ulterior motives unfold miles away that could have dire consequences for our entire cast.Will these ploys be foiled? Who's ass is it going up?? Find out in this epic western saga!





	Naruto, but rootin tootin

**Author's Note:**

> Yet another commissioned fic. As much as I'll look back at this one day and viscerally gag, I did trade it for some siiick fanart. Oh well. At least it's not commissioned Othello erotica. (I'm sorry it exists guys but the lady that requested it is so hot I was swayed)

With the town being called Leaf Gulch, it certainly sounded like some sort of oasis. It was a common mistake—settlers would arrive en masse, envisioning this asylum of secret foliage tucked away within the miles of cratering dirt. Naruto took personal delight in watching their faces as they crested The Leaf’s outskirts and found themselves looking at nothing but debauchery, tumbleweeds, and a fuck ton of sand. They would turn around quick enough though, the prudes.  
Hence just how funny it was to see Fancy Pants strut through the swinging doors of Tsunade’s gambling parlour-saloon-burlesque mishmash. (Naruto had to digress. Sure, it sounded odd in concept, but anyone who had ever been would quickly supply you with halfway-terrifying tales consistently ending with the visit being the best time of their lives. Nothing nourished peace in Naruto’s heart quite like a too-warm whisky, the tinny hum of the piano, and the swaddling smell of sweat, liquor, and so much leather.) But back to Fancy Pants. Really, no name could have suited him better. Not only were his pants fancy, (deep black, tapered, and starched to standing on their own), the way his legs moved in them only emphasized the fanciness. When Naruto had said strut in, he meant strut in. It would have come off as confident, intimidating even, if the man didn’t have sand caked down his front and a fresh sunburn laying across the highest part of his forehead like a blistering pink crown. Aside from that, he looked every inch one of the occasional city slickers hoping to profit off they feral folk residing west of the Appalachians. The cravat was worth pointing out as well. But it was really the hair that just begged ‘fuck with me,’ smoothed in waves of nearly-blue back. The ‘do was entirely too sheveled. Naruto had been in town three weeks or so already, and would be departing again soon for some new ranch’s roundup. Tomfoolery was long overdue.

All tight lips and tighter pants, Fancy himself walked up to Naruto. In all fairness, he was the only one at the bartop, it being six in the morning and all.  
“Who would be,” he glanced around without sitting, “Responsible for this establishment?” He asked the question like it sat sour in his mouth.  
“That would be a-me, sir,” Naruto responded sweetly, tipping the whisky he’d been nursing at Fancy Pants. Sure, he was lying, but he might as well own the place. Tsunade was his wined-up sort-of aunt! If he could get free drinks, he was sure he could pull one over pants here.  
Fancy looked down, surprised, but maintained his annoyed expression. It was kind of a shame. Fancy was objectively very pretty, and could without a doubt make off with a nice lady even if he acted as pissy as he looked.  
“I see.” He sat down crisply, shifting in that movement from sour to serious. “Where am I, and how can I get to Chicago?”  
Mercy. Naruto would hate to see the size of the stick up the rear in those pants. This would be fun.  
“Compadre,” he drawled, making the ‘ey’ at the end long and lazy. “Don’t ya know we take it a little easier here in the Leaf Gulch? Stay a little while! Enjoy some good liquor, let that—” he flicked the sunburn, making Fancy hiss and put a hand to it “— heal up.” The resultant glare was a nice change up from the previous ‘pissed’ and ‘business!’ Still...yeouch. It was pretty damn scary. It almost made Naruto feel bad for a second. Oh well. His fault for being so stuck up. He decided to power through. “Aww. Got an agenda?” Fancy’s eyes narrowed further and he leaned in, seizing Naruto’s eyes with his own. Geez. They almost spun red. Naruto was struck by how easy he would be to throttle in that moment. 

“You imbecile,” Fancy seethed, somehow still kind of deadpan. “There are forces at play here the likes of which you can’t dream of understanding. So yes, compadre, I do have an agenda.”  
Naruto gulped before replying with a hesitant grin and raised hands, playing it safe. By now, the other patrons lazing around the tables or stage were looking. Even Kakashi, who Naruto personally knew to be incapable of giving shits, glanced over before returning to his book. This prick!  
“Alright, alright. You’re in Leaf Gulch, I’ve said that much.”  
Fancy Pants leaned back again.  
“Compadre,” Naruto tacked on with a smile he let ooze sarcasm. However, his plans to continue giving Fancy Pants the run around be screwed over yet when someone called out behind him.

“Naruto!” Shit. Naruto would recognize that oh so lovely, yet tragically, ever scolding voice anywhere.  
“Ahaheh, Sakura. Great to see you.” He turned around and opened his arms in hopes of a peacemaking hug with his longtime crush and star burlesque dancer. She pushed his right arm down to peer behind him with a raised eyebrow and… a blush?  
“And whos this?” He whipped around again.  
“Oh, you mean Fancy Pan—”  
“Sasuke,” he clipped. The bastard cut him off!  
“Well, Sasuke,” she began, letting his name drip too saccharine, keeping her rouged lips parted after the last syllable. “I could always spring for a drink after a performance. We could share one, unless...you’d care for an encore?”  
Shit, shit! “Aw, Sakura, that’s such a shame! He was just about to leave with we cowhands for our next roundup to the Santa Fe Station and from there to Chicago! Say bye Sakura! I’m sure he’d love a performance another day though, as would I.” 

They heard her protests all the way out the swinging doors as Naruto grabbed Fan—no, Sasuke—by the elbow and pulled him all the way out into the red and orange day. He sighed once he felt they had reached safety, leaning up against a stuccoed wall.  
“So you will take me where I need to go?”  
Oh, yeah. Shit. Naruto thought. It was fine! He’d mumble excuses or insult him enough to get out of it. It was fine. “Ah, well, you know—”  
“I will be able to reward you. You would not need to worry for money until the last of your inconsequential days.  
Hm. On second thought, It really wouldn’t be that bad, would it? Sasuke-Pants would just be tagging along on his typical work trail! He would be able to have fun ruffling his fancy little feathers, be able to keep Sakura out of his annoying, pretty clutches, and at the end of the day, come back loaded. Sure, he was an asshole, but with a reward like he was suggesting, Naruto could do much worse.  
“Well then! You have yourself a deal, Fancy Pants!


End file.
